GUILDENSTERN: Believe me, I cannot.
HAMLET: I’m begging you!
GUILDENSTERN: I have no idea how, my lord!
HAMLET: It is as easy as lying.
Just cover the vents with your fingers and thumb and give it breath with your mouth. It will speak the most eloquent music! Look! These are the holes.
GUILDENSTERN: But I can’t make it play a melody! I don’t have the skill!
HAMLET: Well then, how unworthy a thing I must be—for you seem to think you can play me!
You pretend to know my frets. You would pluck out the heart of my mystery. You would play all the octaves of my range! And yet you cannot make this little pipe speak?