I’m all for turning books into movies. Of course it’s best when the movie turns out well, but it’s also a lot of fun when the movie sucks and you get to be filled with a righteous, all-consuming fury. Win-win!
However! There are some books that filmmakers just shouldn’t touch. As much joy as I get out of furiously texting “AND ANOTHER THING” in the group chat as I rail against whatever movie I’m currently mad about, it simply isn’t sporting to get mad about one that was never going to be good in the first place.
The following books are extremely good, but would make for terrible movies. And if I’m wrong—if in ten years some visionary turns any of them into movies and it’s somehow not the worst thing in the world—I’ll take it all back. I’ll pretend I never said any of it, and don’t you guys dare rat me out.